by Daizel Gasperian, RCFE
Grief is unpredictable! My husband passed away one week before Christmas, thirteen years ago. Every year, my son and I go through a roller coaster of emotions starting in November (his birth month). There are holidays when the memories lift us up, and there are holidays when the memories make us miss him like his passing was just yesterday. Every year, there are tears, but as time passes, there are more tears of joy than tears of sadness. My husband was funny; some say he was the funniest person they ever knew. We share stories to keep his memory alive and, in a way, to keep him with us.
Tuesday night was game night at our house. After dinner, we would stay at the dinner table and play cards or board games. We didn’t know who would show up to play since my husband was a different character or multiple characters at game night– he was good at doing impressions, talked in various accents, mimicked celebrities, and was very good at being a cartoon character (aka Homer Simpson). Sometimes, we would laugh so hard we couldn’t finish the game. We had so much fun that our son always reminded us, “It’s game night tonight!” as if we would forget.
We would share stories of our travels. The funny mishaps we found ourselves in. One of our son’s favorites, “Remember when we were kayaking, and we lost sight of dad? We found him stuck in a whirlpool on his kayak, going round and round and round. We watched him for a long time until he got himself out.”
One of my favorite stories was when we went horseback riding in Lake Tahoe. A sign near the water said, “Walk Horse.” He told me to get down from the horse and walk it. No one else was “walking the horse”; they were still on the horse, and the horse was walking. He then realized what that sign meant, and he quickly turned to me and said, “Get back on the horse!” We don’t ride horses, so there was a mistranslation. We grew up with dogs!
What my son and I have learned is to welcome grief – in whatever form it takes. Sharing stories brings him back; we’re filled with happy, laugh-out-loud memories. Although we can no longer be with that person who passed, he lives in a unique space in our hearts and minds. We can still feel the joy we shared long ago and know we were blessed.
